Recently, I've been reading the summer sporting "updates" on Facebook and various other social media, and I have to say I laugh when I do. Now, it's not just one post from one upset parent - seriously, it's been several posts by several parents and several days that I've seen them...so please don't think I'm singling anyone out in particular.
Oh, and by laugh, I mean it starts as a smirk, then a giggle, then an uncontrollable, maniacal laugh that makes my dogs wake up and slink off to their kennel to hide. You have to understand why, though. I remember those days when my daughters played summer ball - the days when I would rush home from work, and while still wearing my dress clothes, and in 5 minutes, get the kids dressed and run them to the field (usually late) in 100+ degree weather to watch them play t-ball or softball at a field with little to no shade, sweating like crazy and yelling at my girls to, "watch the ball hit the bat!" or encouraging them with a, "you can do it!" or scolding them to, "stand up and pay attention!" I also, much to my shame now, remember thinking (and sometimes voicing my opinion) that the person in charge was either "a good coach" or one that "only did it so their kids could play". Quite often it was, "What the hell is this person thinking?"
As a man who had played baseball my entire childhood all the way up through college, who knows the sport like the back of my hand, and who really, REALLY wanted his kids to enjoy sports as much as he did, it was difficult keeping quiet outside the fence. Thank goodness for my wife back then. She tended to keep me under control somewhat, and I knew if she was yelling then it was OK for me to yell, too. I just couldn't do more than she did, or I was in trouble. Thing is, I would choose to focus my attention on my kids and not really the coach, especially during practice, because, with a few exceptions, I figured I knew better than the coach did.
I know, I know - that sounds like I'm on a high horse and snooty and that I'm "all that". Yup, I guess so, but stop it. You did it, too! We all do, even coaches. We are human, we are competitive and we all want our kids to be successful. I know this because I see your posts about it! I could write a book about parents and their kids during sporting events (my dad was one of those) and I could probably include myself in it.
Let's face it. Some people just shouldn't be coaches. Some are just in it because they were roped in and no one else would do it. They don't really understand the game, and are just filling a spot. (Lord, help them!) Some think they know what they're doing even though it's obvious they don't. (These are the ones that teach the children incorrectly. We all know those. Lord help US!) However, I have to give it to the coaches who take the time every year to try and teach these young ones the game from the ground up. It's really not that easy...
To give you some background, I've had the distinct honor of being a parent to two wonderful, beautiful and talented daughters who played softball for Kid's Inc as long as they could. I think they could really have gone much further than they did, but in the interest of not shoving my goals for them (sports-wise) in their faces, we decided to let them play if they wanted, or not play. It was always their choice. It wasn't easy for them, though. Like I said, I grew up playing "the game" and was somewhat successful at it. That meant I was extra tough on them...Yikes, right? So when they didn't want to play, I may have coaxed them into it, or just dealt with it that summer.
Secondly, I've also had the distinct honor of being a coach and umpire for four years when I was younger. I coached, with my roommate back in college, a Little League baseball team for two years, then umpired baseball and softball for a community (not Woodward) for a summer, then coached 7th grade softball for a summer. Folks, I'm here to tell ya, it just ain't easy. Dealing with kids can be difficult, but sometimes, dealing with parents during a game is not much easier! In fact, during a coaches meeting my second year coaching, one of the old timers who'd been coaching for years, voiced, "The game would be easier, the kids would learn more and have more fun if we just wouldn't allow parents to show up!" I agree and here's why.
As a coach of summer league ball, you aren't just focused on one kid. These aren't the high school kids who already know the game. You have (hopefully) 9 or more kids to keep an eye on and to train properly. You have to deal with the shy kid, the mean kid, the smelly kid, the goofy kid and the one that doesn't get along with anyone but really tries to, and the one that is truly an athlete. You get the kids that have played forever and the ones that just today decided to play for the first time. Not only that, you have to give them ALL the best of your time. You have to find which position they'll truly be good at (not the one the parent thinks their kid needs to play) and you have to teach them how to play that position. You have to teach them to not be afraid of the ball, keep their eye on the ball and to close their mitt when the ball lands inside it. Then you have to teach them to bat properly, and depending on the age, which direction to run should they actually get a hit. Oh, and the fun thing is, during summer ball, you usually have about a two weeks (maybe 4-5 practices) to do all this in!
As a coach at this level, you have to separate your innate desire to win, win, win and teach the kid HOW to win, win, win while taking into consideration these aren't little adults we're dealing with. They want to have fun, fun, fun and trust me, when a kid wants to have fun, and is mixed in with a bunch of other kids that want to have fun - they're going to have fun one way or the other! You have to love kids and love the sport your coaching, or you'll burn out faster than a Wal-Mart brand light bulb.
The coach at this level not only does this, sees the entire team as a TEAM, but realizes they are a bunch of individuals at this point. They see who gets along with whom, they see who is having a good day or a bad day, they see the lazy ones who never show up to practice or just stand around, the ones with potential, the ones that are truly gifted. They know the criers, they know the haters, they know the ones that are poison to a team. And, they usually spend a good majority of their free time trying to put these kid in a position that will help the team be successful. IF they are lucky, they might be able to build up a team that will win.
Now, throw in the unknown variable. The parents. Each year I coached I wondered if I was going to get the parents who thought they knew more than me, that were the "experts" (like me, haha!) who grew up with the game. The yellers, or the ones that were quiet, but would "talk" to their friends about you. The ones that wanted their kid to do great - not necessarily the team. The ones that just KNEW their kid was going to be the pitcher or catcher and NEVER the right fielder. Or if I'd get lucky and get a bunch of vocally supportive parents. Believe it or not, for every one or two haters, there are 6-7 who think you're doing great - they just don't say it so you don't know it.
From my point of view as a parent and as a coach, it was easier to coach from your car than it was the bench. Almost all the stress in a game came from outside the fence, not inside it. What's more, the kids knew it, too. As an umpire, I saw many kids when their parents started to yell at me or the coaches. Their faces changed, they got embarrassed or sad. Their shoulders would slump and all enthusiasm would drain from them. They really stopped having fun. In fact, I'd lay dollars on the table that they wished they could do anything else than play that game at that moment. As an example, after one particularly rough umpiring gig of 8 and under softball girls, one of the girls came up to me and actually apologized for her dad and told me I was a good umpire and that I should just ignore him. How sad is that?
I do have to say, despite this blog sounding negative, coaching isn't unpleasant. It's work, but it's really a lot of fun! I had a lot of laughs while I was coaching. Also, I loved teaching the sport to the kids. I guess that showed, because I had a parent come up to me after the last game of the season the year I coached 7th grade girls softball and tell me that they loved how I would take the time to teach the girls right then how to do something when they struck out or dropped a ball or misplayed or whatever. Another couple of parents asked if I'd be willing to coach during the school year because they thought I was great at it! (I didn't tell them I only coached that season because I actually got "roped" into doing it, haha! I can't imagine going through what an actual coach for a school goes through.) We only won one game that season, but it was truly fun. I saw the girls grow a lot, including my youngest daughter, and I got to coach her last season of playing. Now THAT was worth it.
I guess my whole point is that as parents and coaches we all need to remember that the coaches during summer league are all voluntary and that they have taken a lot on their plate by accepting the position. It's quite an honor to be a coach - they are entrusted with our children and the knowledge of the game. We also have to remember WHY the kids are playing. Our time for playing is past, and yes, although we live vicariously through our children, we want our kids to be successful and it irritates us when we see what we think isn't right. We just need to remember that not all sides of the cube are showing at one time and there's a side (or two) that we just don't know about. Also, baseball, t-ball, softball, soccer, basketball, football - they're all just games. And games are supposed to be fun. Yes, be angry when we need to be because we're probably right, but also remember that our kids are watching us.
So, PLAY BALL and have a great time doing so!
No comments:
Post a Comment